I Have a Confession to Make

I pray each and every day, but I am not exactly a picture perfect Catholic

Every day since my mom died, I’ve held onto this prayer card.

I’m 99% sure it’s one we handed out at her funeral service, but honestly, it could also just be a prayer card my Nonni gave me around the same time. One of those classic little laminated ones she gets as a gesture of gratitude for donating to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital—or, as she lovingly calls it, “San Juda Rospital.” You know…the place with the sick babies and the cancer.

Each day, I hold the card in my hand, and I recite what I think is called the Guardian Angel Prayer. (Fellow Catholics and Christians, please do not come for me if this is not the title of this prayer…If I missed the mark, kindly reach out to me in a message and I will personally record a one-of-a-kind liturgical dance to Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli’s The Prayer—I will even throw in a peaceful dove)

Aside from a lingering sense of Catholic guilt that haunts me on the regular, the only religious traditions I really participate in these days are:

• Lent, because Ash Wednesday is a slay, and no one can tell me otherwise.

• The 40 days and nights thing, which I find oddly satisfying—it’s basically like the Catholic/Christian version of a 30-day challenge where you try to heal, juice cleanse your soul, or give up a vice like smoking or alcohol.

• No meat on Friday’s.

• Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s, polarizing, but for me a slay.

you can’t tell me this isn’t delicious

I guess…that’s all…just Lent…but let me think…

BEYOND LENT. I love Christmas. Who doesn’t love Christmas?

And then…I guess…some overall core values like respect and kindness, which I try to carry into my daily life, even if I’m a “cafeteria Catholic” when it comes to attending formal church stuff.

But the thing that genuinely might surprise people the most is that I pray every single day.

It’s the one time of day where I feel closest to God—or at least something bigger than myself. And at minimum, I just say this little Guardian Angel Prayer. But more often than not, I go above the minimum…very on brand for me as an overachiever constantly trying to prove myself. Woo!

me, calling myself out as a chronic overachiever, who puts to much emphasis on being validated and recognized by others…whoops.

For almost twelve years now (wow, has it really been that long since my mom died?), I’ve been doing this on autopilot. Just reading the words. But this morning, I had a thought: What if I actually sat with this prayer and broke it down for myself?

Here’s what I found—or rather here is what I interpreted:

Angel of God, my guardian dear—Such a nurturing opening. This angel is my ride-or-die it seems.

To Whom his love commits me here—Full of love. Love that keeps me rooted in faith, even when faith feels fragile.

Ever this day, be at my side—Please and thank you for sticking with me on this rollercoaster of life, every single day.

To light and guard, to rule and guide—You are the light when things get dark. You protect me, even from the most shameful and hated parts of myself. Your love is a compass, and your guidance helps me stumble my way toward purpose and peace.

Amen. —Slay, diva. Bless you and thank you.

Whether you are religious or not, I feel like this prayer can be adapted to fit whatever higher power (or powers) you believe in. Or maybe you just see it as a message to yourself— a reminder that you are your own light and guardian. Your one true guide (OTG).

This whole reflection feels kind of kismet, considering it’s Shrovetide right now—that pre-Lent lead up that I secretly love. I guess, technically, Lent is leading up to Jesus’ death and that’s kind of morbid or whatever…but isn’t life kind of morose? And lest we not forget about Easter…and RESURRECTION!!! REBIRTH! RENEWAL? I like all those things…I think.

You can be Catholic, recovering Catholic, vegan, vegetarian, religious, not religious, atheist, agnostic, or just here for the chaos but I’m curious—

Do you have a weird little ritual you do every day?

It can be a prayer, or mantra, yoga practice, words of affirmation, petting a rabbits foot for good luck, playing your favorite song before you leave your house for work…

Let me know in the comments—or vote below

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