Nonni is a Queer Icon, Ally, and Grandmother of the Century
+ 5 Pride Month Recommendations
My grandmother.
My Nonni.
The light of my life.
The original queen of sass.
One of my reasons for living.
After my mother passed away, Nonni and I became even closer. My mom was our link, our confidant, and best friend. Once she was gone, Nonni and I forged an even stronger bond. We tell each other everything these days, but the true catalyst for our closeness was a fateful day in June 2018, a Pride Month revelation that changed our dynamic forever.
Some Background
WhenI had my initial gay awakening and actualization, I vowed not to let my traditional grandparents in on that part of my life until I was certain I was in love and wanted my partner to meet them. A little naïve and rigid at the time, but hey, that was my reality, and my convictions were as strong as Nonni’s homemade biscotti.
In general, I’m not a huge believer in the grand “Coming Out” experience. For some people, it’s best as a grandiose spectacle, which can be a beautiful thing. But for me, I resonate with what the esteemed Queer Eye fab-fiver, Karamo Brown, once said: it’s “less of a coming out, more of a letting in.” In our modern society, things are progressing in some ways but regressing in others concerning queer visibility and rights. I live for the day when “Coming Out” is a thing of the past, and we can all coexist without prejudice. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming of a brighter future.
The Buildup
Once I finally decided to open up to my Nonni, the buildup was absolutely treacherous. I would find any excuse to be in her presence throughout the day—helping her cook, iron, taking her to the store, folding laundry, all the things I usually avoid like the plague.
One morning, I woke up and decided today was the day. I paced back and forth, my heart racing like I’d had ten too many espressos. I kept replaying my speech, trying to find the perfect way to tell her in a way she could comprehend. One thing of note, she’s an elder Venezuelan woman with a catchphrase of “I cannot hear ju, I don’t understand.” So yeah, I had my concerns.
The Big Moment
Finally, I mustered enough courage to tell her I was gay. I was firm in what I had to say and made sure to emphasize that it wasn’t a choice to be born this way, and that in my understanding, God had made me this way (cue the religious undertone, and panning to my audience in that moment).
As I said these words to her, I realized I was also reiterating them to myself. For the longest time, I had such anxiety about sharing this personal and private aspect of my life with someone I love so much.
Her response was nothing short of magical. “Marco, I love you no matter what, and I can tell you were stressed out. Do you feel relieved now, honey?” she said. YES! YES! YES! As we both cried and shared in a lasting embrace, I couldn’t help but think to myself… The response I had always wanted and needed, I had received.
Reflection
I know not everyone is so lucky. I’ve faced prejudice from family and strangers alike for my sexual orientation. To those who stand with me, support me, and love me for who I am, I thank you so much. Without you, I would be nothing. To those who do not quite understand, remain prejudiced, and harbor hate in their hearts, I pray for you. I pray that one day you will truly understand how hard it is to live in a world where you fear being accepted for who you are and cannot change.
So much of our lives are plagued with fear, stress, and anxiety. This is something we should not have to worry about. I’m trying to reclaim my narrative; I choose to stand with my community by sharing part of my story. You are loved, you are perfect, and you deserve every ounce of joy this life has to offer you.
HAPPY PRIDE!!!
6 Pride Month Recommendations
'“Good Luck, Babe” + Chappell Roan’s “The Rise & Fall of a Midwest Princess”: similar to required reading, this is required listening
All of Us Strangers (Hulu): very sad, but incredibly moving, I cannot stop thinking about this film
Heartstopper (Netflix) + Alice Oseman’s graphic novels: talk about wholesome gay content that I wish I had growing up
Red White & Royal Blue (Amazon): one of the only times I will say the movie was way more impactful and enjoyable than the book, the chemistry was off the charts
Anything RuPaul’s Drag Race: there’s at least a million seasons to watch at this point, so pick one and start there:)
Queen Nonni! She’s the best!