The Me I Am vs. The Me I Am Becoming

how in the world, do we bridge the gap? I think I have a starting point...kind of.

Photo by Edho Fitrah on Unsplash

Do you ever have this feeling that there’s “more” waiting for you?

It’s like this persistent tug in your gut.

A whisper (or shout, depending on the day).

It’s that familiar, resonant voice in your head that renders you introspective.

It can be a tough pill to swallow, but it can also be quite fascinating.

Revealing this gap of who you are, right now in this moment.

While also being able to catch glimpses of this sparkly, aspirational version of you…waving to you from this huge canyon of unknown danger/potential.

The gap can be your best friend, but it can also be your worst enemy.

If you stare at it too long, you’ll go blind…or you’ll be wholly consumed by analysis paralysis and overthink yourself to death.

If you don’t take a moment to even look it in the eye, just for a minute, you might live in the plateau of “what ifs” and regret.

I am a natural problem solver, with a curious personality, who is…at times…risk avoidant.

I’ve jumped into the chasm, without a safety net before, and I’ve been just fine…landing on the other side, with more gratitude for taking the plunge.

A plunge I was able to take with the love and support of my tribe.

Able to “level up” along the journey…stepping further in to the version of myself that I want to be…or at least want to continue pursuing.

I don’t hate the current version of myself, and I never hated the past version of myself either.

However, there are parts of the old me and the current me, that I know can improve. It’s less about dissatisfaction with myself, and more about an irresistible pull toward authentic growth and coming in to my own.

I choose to look at this gap as a blueprint for evolution, rather than a sign of failure.

This my friends…this is where the magic happens, if you are willing to get a little uncomfortable.

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how do we build the bridge?

From my experience…it’s not a one size fits all approach.

And some things that have worked for me in the past, are not working for me now.

But a huge part of constructing this bridge to get to the next level of who I want to be, has been through writing.

Not just the writing I share here on this Substack, but the writing that goes down in my journal. My notes taken on interesting things I have read or seen, that involve deeper thought and reflection. I write to process my emotions and dig deeper into what is truly going on in my mind.

It’s my version of meditation.

It’s my go-to method of putting in the work, and making my way across that bridge.

Each word, is like a tiny brick, laid with devout intention, making way for a clearer path. A path I am not trying to sprint across, but taking consistent strides across, often wobbly, mostly uneven, but steps nonetheless.

I remember this brilliant quote from Karamo Brown from Queer Eye, where he mentioned “letting people in” is more valuable than “coming out” for a queer person. And when I heard that, something clicked within me. A profound statement pierced me right in the heart, and I think it once applied to a former version of myself, so hung up on “coming out” and that’s it…the work is over and life is just going to be a “happily ever after type situation…and the end.”

That’s not the case. And while I am further along in my gender and sexual identity journey these days…I think Karamo’s quote still applies to this level of my life… in some way…

Let’s reframe this.

If I “let myself in” to the person that I am becoming, embracing this evolutionary process without judgement and critique of myself…I think we can get somewhere…

It’s about accepting the “me I am” in this moment (right here, right now) with all the messy, beautiful bits, while gently nurturing your inner child, and nudging him toward the “me” I want to be.

I am not tearing down and rebuilding my entire life. I am adding a new wing to an already beautiful structure.

The bones are good. And in the words of wise lyricist and artist, Maren Morris, “when the bones are good, the rest don’t matter.’

This bridge isn't built overnight, this beautiful structure continues to be renovated…and it’s a daily project…BUT…all it takes is a bit of patience, one brave conversation at a time, a lot of self-compassion, and a willingness to celebrate the little wins, no matter how small.

The journey is imperfect. The road is winding. And I hate to be cliche but, maybe the journey, and the bridge building is the real reward?

Embrace the gratitude, and welcome the many blessings life has in store for you, my friend.

Cheers to you!

Love & light,

Your Friendly Obsession (Marco)