Things Are About To Change Around Here

personal essay | reflection | creative journey

May 27, 2025

Somewhere between transforming the [solidcore] reformer into my own personal slip ‘n slide…and leaving a trail of slime throughout the aisles of Trader Joe’s at 8am like a sweaty, slow-moving snail-human hybrid, it hit me:

I’ve become insanely risk-averse.

Like, plague-level aversion.

The flame of a free spirit that used to burn so bright within me?

Reduced to a mere spark.

If you’ve ever watched Survivor, you might be familiar with that agonizing “fire-making challenge”, where two contestants desperately try to produce and keep a burgeoning flame alive for a spot in the finale…

THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW!

Constantly battling to figure out just how much magnesium, kindling, and wood I need to keep my flame from flickering out. It’s very survival mode.

A survival mode I’ve been in for so long, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to take a risk.

I haven’t always been this hesitant, this afraid to leap. But even looking back at my Substack posts from the last few weeks, it’s glaringly obvious. There’s this deeper part of me, the one that speaks freely through written words (way more than my spoken ones, or even my ad-hoc innermost thoughts penned to journal), and it’s been sending me a clear signal:

Something is shifting!

There’s this undeniable urge to unleash more of my creativity and personality. An almost intuitive impulse to create, act, and DO, instead of getting tangled up in my own head, planning, strategizing myself into a state of paralysis.

Because let’s be real, there’s a stubborn, self-sabotaging part of me that continually gets crippled by fear, stops me dead in my tracks from taking those crucial steps forward with any and all creative pursuits—or at least, as many steps as I know that are there for the taking.

My brain is bursting with ideas…But fear creeps in: fear of judgement, fear of being perceived as “unsuccessful” or straying from the path I have currently built for myself.

But lately, a little voice has started to whisper (okay, maybe it’s more of a shout than a whisper):WHO CARES?

Seriously. What’s the point of living life in fear, constantly catering to other people’s vision for your existence? This is my life. And I want to live it overflowing with as much love and light as humanly possible. And at this rate, those will be depleted unless something gives.

I truly believe my purpose is to chase a life that’s as authentic to my core nature as it can be, and in doing so, hopefully make the lives of those around me a little bit better. Through example, through trial and error, through lifting up my community, my tribe—isn’t that all we can really do?

What’s that old adage, think globally, ACT locally!?

My friends are having babies. These little ones will grow up and learn from what they see. And while I don’t have kids of my own, I want to lead a life so genuinely me, it’s contagious. A life brimming with joy, laughter, love, and prosperity, thats undeniable. Or at the very least, a life from which someone else can learn from my mistakes, hesitations, and then go on to live a more authentic and rich existence.

Thats my biggest hope.

If that means putting more of myself, more of my art, my creativity and personality and whole heart out online during a time when everyone is yearning for genuine connection? Then I am game.

Of course, protecting my peace is a huge part of this equation too. I don’t have all the answers—honestly, I am not sure I ever will! -but this wild journey of life, as perplexing and tumultuous as it is… is a wonder isn’t it? With adversity, comes profound life lessons. With hard work, comes a sweet reward.

I have so much to be grateful for, yet I know deep down, I am not playing my best game. And the only way to get there? To experiment, to try my absolute hardest, and to trial and error in a public way. Essentially you can call me a human guinea pig, at this point, a test subject if you will. I’m just a man trying to figure out what I can, to make it easier for the next person.

So here’s the deal: expect some more fiction and creative works in the pipeline, sooner rather than later. Theres so much I am eager to share, and honestly it’s about time.

This whole post is really just a public announcement to share: I’ve had an epiphany and things are about to change (ranging from ever so slightly to full on overhaul) on this Substack moving forward.