the books that met me where I was at
my summer reading list: a messy, chaotic mirror of the season and my soul
Do you ever feel like the books that you are drawn to at a certain moment in time reflect your internal state of mind or a certain season of your life?
You are not alone.
The last two months have been a whirlwind, a rush of summer plans and this overwhelming desire for internal excavation. Summer is typically a season of sunshine and vibing so hard that you forgot about all your strife…but this Summer my mind has been doing somersaults.
I was waiting with a pit-in-my-stomach and boat loads of anticipation for a new work contract, lamenting the gap between who I am and who I want to be (ongoing), wrestling with navigating adult friendships, and managing expectations from family.
A planned beach trip to Florida with my partner and his family felt both exciting and anxiety-inducing, a strange blend of joy and heaviness associated when entering “don’t say gay” territory.
Throughout the summer, the weather in my neck of the woods, hot and cold, much like the microclimate of my brain—blinding sun mixed with the depresso of a morning fog. I found myself longing for something to tether me to reality and the present moment, much like the boats outside my apartment windows. As always, books are my anchor, like tiny mirrors that reflect how I am feeling and what my soul needs.
My summer reading list, I’ve realized, was no random medley of books. Looking back, it was more a reflection of the eclectic going-ons of my mind and the chaotic tenets of my soul. I not only found escapism; I was self-diagnosing and prescribing books instead of pills (probably for the best), seeking solace, and finding validation in the pursuit of becoming a more authentic version of myself. I dove headfirst into books that provided me tools to heal, navigate complex relationships, I sought out sweet romances, and even found some peace and refuge in a handful of books that defied gravity categorization. Each of these books met me exactly where I was at, call it kismet if you will. They’ve helped me find the courage to not only weather the storms of summer, but to appreciate the beauty on the journey of getting there.
Without further ado, these are the books that got me through summer!
I’ve broken down the 16 books I read into 4 categories:
If you are more visual and audio, I have made a Youtube video that’s a bit more on the TL;DR side.
inner work & healing nonfiction
When the world gets heavy, loud, and unpredictable, or when I feel like I am losing control or my grip on reality, I find myself turning inward. With all the uncertainty of my job contract, the building personal and political tumult, and just life life-ing; I felt this urgent need to recenter and to heal. Not just my typical escapism through books but seeking answers, tools, a guide perhaps to manage the mental gymnastics going on in within me. These weren't books I fully planned on reading this summer, but became some of the books I NEEDED to read. Some textual maps to help me on my journey of becoming a better version of myself, a person who is at peace amidst the chaos. These four books really added great value to my “inner work” journey.
atlas of the heart by brené brown
quick glance
synopsis: a comprehensive guide that acts like a dictionary for emotions, it helps with building language to articulate what you are feeling
the vibe: introspective, practical, and deeply validating
perfect for: anyone who feels overwhelmed by emotion or struggles to put a name to what they are feeling
my take
This book truly is, in some ways, a how-to-guide for navigating and giving a name to your emotions. I feel like so often I feel this surge of something within me and I can’t quite put a name to a face there, turns it out it could be shame or sadness and this book really helps with that. I’ve been jostling with feelings of anxiety in career and creative pursuits and this book truly helped me articulate some of the “big boy” feels that I felt in the summer. It’s a true masterclass in providing the clarity needed to understand complex human emotions, and allowed me to reach a strong enough place to write this down in all my vulnerable glory.
the big idea
This book taught me that giving our emotions a name is the first step toward understanding what in the world we are truly dealing with inside, before we can fully heal.
you can heal your life by louise hay
quick glance
synopsis: a self-help classic that explores the connection between mind and body, touting the mind’s ability to influence physical health and disease
the vibe: holistic, empowering, and a touch of woo-woo
perfect for: people who are open-minded about alternative healing methods, or anyone looking for a powerful reminder of the mind’s influence on the body
my take
This book, previously unbeknownst to me, was a best seller that a friend of a friend recommended amidst their ongoing healing journey. I went into this with a healthy (read:large) dose of skepticism. The claims that speaking affirmation can heal you from sickness or “dis-ease” as the author claims, sounded a little woo-woo for me. While, I am not jumping at the opportunity to give up my western pills and medicines, I found some truth to the claim that the mind can heal physical ailments. I personally have always loved affirmations, and while I don’t do nearly enough of them…this book gave me a much needed reminder to be more intentional with my thoughts, because negative thinking can make us stressed and sick. I am optimistic about my takeaways from this discovery, and also trying to relinquish my skepticism.
the big idea
This book taught me that our minds are powerful, and while they may not always be able to heal our bodies, the mental work of positive thinking, affirmations, and intention is a powerful—and sometimes a magical step toward healing.
nice girls don’t win by parvati shallow
quick glance
synopsis: a powerful memory chronicling one of the best stars of reality tv through a journey of self-discovery, exploring her inner strength to overcome personal adversity, and growing up in a cult, while navigating public challenges
the vibe: inspiring, vulnerable, and deeply human
perfect for: fans of Survivor or anyone who loves a story about resilience, self-discovery, and the journey of learning as we go along in this crazy life
my take
As a big fan of Survivor, I’ll admit I went into this one a little biased. I was honored to receive a gifted copy of this from Dial Press, very universe speaking to me in mysterious and generous ways vibes. The book focuses on how Parv found herself in these precarious situations in her life…she grew up in a cult! But she uses her inner strength to propel herself forward. We are all just kind of figuring it out as we go along, and she is very vulnerable about this throughout the book. Her bravery in sharing the pieces of herself that she lost along the way as she navigated grief, and troubles in love…totally inspiring. I’m now able to embrace the fragmented pieces of myself that I thought I lost along the way and carry them into my new chapter of life.
the big idea
This book taught me that sometimes we must be forged through fire, grief, and the unexpected tumult of life in order to find our greatest strength.
good work by paul millerd
quick glance
synopsis: a roadmap to reassessing your career and finding professional fulfillment by combining passion, skills, and life experience into “good work”
the vibe: practical, ambitious, and deeply introspective
perfect for: anyone feeling stuck in their career, contemplating a life change or hard pivot, or looking to evolve in some way professionally
my take
I was drawn to this book a) because I enjoyed the pathless path, also by this author b) I am always trying to figure out what might be next in my career or calling in life (this time as a result of my up and down contract life). I’ve spent the last couple of years creatively expressing myself online and has brought me to this moment of wanting to synthesize. The synthesis of it all is what I’ve been challenged with, and continue to work on. There is no perfect solution, no one size fits all approach to vocation and good work, it’s more of a lifelong project of trying to use what you know about yourself and putting that into play. This book is for those of use who know our lives aren’t perfect, and we are willing to admit that we may or may not be trying to reinvent the wheel.
the big idea
This book taught me that a fulfilling career isn’t going to be a necessarily traditional 9-5, and I have the autonomy to decide what that looks like.
complex relationships
While the first four books, catalyzed this continued inner work. These next four shifted my gaze toward the relationships and people in my life and how I interact with other humans. This category of books became a way for me to process the beautiful, messy, and frustrating dynamics of human connection. From the delicate dance of friendships to the unbreakable yet psychotic complex bonds of family, these stories offered some semblance of solidarity. They served as these much needed reminders that in the grand scheme of human existence, no one has it figured out, and on some level all relationships are complex.
annie bot by sierra greer
quick glance
synopsis: the story of a sex robot who becomes self-aware and explores what it means to be human through her complex relationship with her owner
the vibe: introspective, unsettling, raw
perfect for: readers interested in robot-human relations, AI, or fans of character-driven dystopian-like fiction, or fans of the film Companion
my take
I was captivated by this book, so much so that I documented my journey through a read along vlog, the first of its kind. The story of a sex robot turned sentient or rather, human in some way, as she navigates her relationship with her lover/owner Doug (who I DESPISE!). I found myself really rooting for Annie throughout the book, as she highlighted what it means to be human, as a non-human entity. A psychological thriller in nature, powerful and eerie at other times. Not sure if this is a future I want to be living in/ if we are already there…
the big idea
This book taught me that our biology is not 100% what makes us human, but our capacity for connection and deeper emotions is.
the anthropologists by ayşegül savas
quick glance
synopsis: a quiet, yet observational novel that follows a couple in a long-term relationship as they navigate the small moments of expat life while searching for a new home in Europe
the vibe: Rachel Cusk-esque, introspective, beautifully written, and deeply observant
perfect for: if you are interested in the complexities of long-term relationships, the challenges of adult friendships, or the nuances of expat life
my take
I am grateful for
and her ability to bring an author like this onto my radar. The prose is what sold me on this one, one of my favorite reads of the summer. I found myself lost in the pages but in a good way, finding beauty in the labyrinth of this text. The author crafts such a gorge vignette of a couple over a short period of time, perfectly highlighting the ebbs and flows of a long term relationship. I resonated deeply with the challenge of making friends as an adult—and how hard it can be to put yourself out there and suss out whether a person is a circumstantial friend or one for a lifetime. What resonated the most though was this exploration of our relationships with family once we leave home. The book touches on how we might unconsciously create new relationships with friends/neighbors that eerily mirror the old, like spending more time with an elderly neighbor when you are missing your grandmother. Thank god my Nonni lives only 1 hour away!the big idea
This book taught me that the search for new connections are rooted in the longing for old, and that our past relationships add to the complexity of our present and future relationships.
audition by katie kitamura
quick glance
synopsis: a disorienting and mysterious novel about a woman preparing for a play who is confronted by a young man who claims to be her son, leading to a strange psychological exploration
the vibe: cryptic, deeply unsettling, and confusing
perfect for: readers who enjoy cryptic books that might venture toward confusing
my take
I am not sure what my big takeaway from this book is—or if I actually enjoyed it fully. The prose was fantastic, mad respect there, but I am the first to admit that I got a bit lost in the sauce. The first half follows the main character as a mysterious young man, claiming to be her son, comes into her life. In a disorienting shift, the second half feels like a different reality. Is the multiverse real? I couldn’t tell if it was two alternate realities or a strange psychological thriller, and I didn’t quite feel like the right audience for what the author was trying to do…OR maybe that was the point, that sometimes the people in our lives disorient us (old and new) and we must sally forth in some way…idk.
the big idea
This book taught me that a powerful reading experience isn’t always about understanding the plot, but about surrendering to the vibe.
my brilliant friend by elena ferrante
quick glance
synopsis: the first novel in Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan quartet, that introduces the intense and volatile friendship between two girls in post-war Naples.
the vibe: intense, raw, psychologically rich
perfect for: readers who enjoy a deep, character-driven saga and complex female relationships, or those jumping on to the ferrante hype (like me!)
my take
I was skeptical of this book at first. There is so much hype on social media and it was top of the list on the NYT’s Best Books of the 21st century…lots of pressure to love it. I will admit, at first I was not so hooked on this, but as the girls crawled out of adolescence and became teenagers…that’s when I became invested. I could not suss out whether or not their relationship was toxic, or if it was just complex survival mode friendship. The book is a brilliant commentary on post-war Italy and a raw and honest look at what female friendship can look like under those circumstances. The ending left me on a cliffhanger…of course it did, this book was a wild ride, such is life.
the big idea
This book taught me that the most brilliant and enduring friendships are the ones we can’t fully understand.
romance-centric
In peak summer form, post- mental gymnastics and navigating the complexities of human relationships, I felt a yearning for safe harbor. Romance. An escape. This section is really where I attempted to exchange my real-world anxieties for a mostly guaranteed happily ever after. In a season of so much political and personal uncertainty—threats to gay marriage in the states, anxieties about job, etc…these books gave me a vital sense of hope. They were little tokens of joy that were worth fighting for. The human heart and love are on full display here, even if slightly messy…life is messy eh? They are not all ripped bodice, Fabio on the cover shirtless romances, but they do have romantic elements in their own unique way.
giovanni’s room by james baldwin
quick glance
synopsis: a powerful and tragic novel that follows an American man living in 1950s Paris as he grapples with his sexuality through a tumultuous affair with the titular Giovanni
the vibe: melancholic, heartbreaking, spicy
perfect for: readers who enjoy classic literature, queer narratives with a historical flair, or stories that explore the complexities of identity and love
my take
This book is advertised on social media as a queer romance, but warning it is much more of a tragedy, and I was not mentally prepared for that. I found myself feeling so bad for poor Giovanni. You can tell he has lived a hard life, and his open, earnest, a little unhinged “lover boy” energy is in stark contrast to the main character, David. David’s narration is so matter-of-fact, almost like he’s just passing time with Giovanni before returning to life as normal. Baldwin’s prose is brilliant and I bookmarked so many quotes in this one. Reading it with my friend Marlee helped me process the complexity and weight of the story, especially imagining what it must have been like to be a gay man in 1950s Paris…I don’t even think I want to know.
the big idea
This book taught me that a story about love isn’t always a story about romance, and that greatest travesties often stem from a refusal to accept who you are.
stag dance by torrey peters
quick glance
synopsis: a collection of short stories and a novel that explores the lives of queer and trans characters through themes like identity and revenge with an unapologetic undercurrent
the vibe: bold, sexually charged, innovative
perfect for: readers who appreciate daring fiction, that pushes boundaries and explores queer themes with unfettered honesty
my take
Disclaimer: this book is not outwardly romantic, but infused with elements of queer romance and desire throughout. The stories have a sexual nature to them, and the characters are all somewhere on the rainbow spectrum, kind of sort of. What I loved most was the author’s willingness to just “go for it”—this is not a boring book. I had mad respect for the way it tackles everything from lumberjacks and school days to identity related challenges of the self. My favorite was the dystopian short story that was so uniquely brilliant: an infectious disease centered narrative with a twist of revenge and queer sensibility…sign me up.
the big idea
This book taught me that even in the most raw, unhinged medley of stories, we can find profound nuggets of wisdom in the human search for connection and revenge.
winging it with you by chip pons
quick glance
synopsis: a wholesome gay romance about two verified hunks, Theo and Asher, who are partnered for an Amazing Race-style challenge, with their connection catalyzed by a shared love of mozzarella sticks
the vibe: fun, sexy, and heartwarming
perfect for: readers looking for a quick, escapist romance with plenty of wit and charm
my take
I picked up this book on the beaches of Florida as a much needed release from the real world. Trying to ignore signs for Alligator Alcatraz and a merch clothing store that sold Trump-y paraphernalia. The dialogue in this novel is consistently fun, and even the supporting characters add a little flavor and joy to the story. Warning there were some steamy scenes in this book, but overall you are rooting for the couple and it’s wholesome and left me feeling genuinely happy and that’s all that matters right?
the big idea
This book taught me that there is hope for the queer romance genre, and that joy is all around us, we just have to open ourselves up to it.
just for the summer by abby jimenez
quick glance
synopsis: a beautiful romantic novel about a man and a woman, both dealing with the challenges of dating and other heavy life stuff, throw caution to the wind in the pursuit of love and romance
the vibe: heartfelt, poignant, and uplifting
perfect for: romance readers, especially those that aren’t afraid to read about themes like mental health, trauma, and complex family dynamics
my take
This was my first time dipping into the Abby Jimenez universe, and I was immediately captivated. The novel is so dreamy and romantic, but also totally unbelievable like a good romance book ought to be. I was impressed with the elevated conversation on mental health, PTSD, and toxic parents. The toxic parent part really got me at the right time. The dialogue is some of the best I have ever read in the romance genre—the back and forth was so witty and believable…like two normal humans talking in real life. It also has a ton of grit, and heart, and inspired me to go on and buy two other books in her catalog after I finished this one.
the big idea
This book taught me that romance isn’t just about a happily ever after; it’s about finding courage to prioritize healing and becoming the person you need to be in order to accept love into your life.
miscellaneous: a little all over the place
The remaining books on my list, were a bit all over the place, fitting, given the peaks and valleys of this summer and his moods. They refused to be categorized. And proof that my summer reading was a true mirror of the mind, a genre-hopping adventure without any rhyme or reason—-but definitely a season! Each one met me where I was at, they felt right at the moment, enabling my mood reading behaviors.
we were liars by e.lockhart
quick glance
synopsis: a young adult mystery-thriller with a tinge of romance, that frames itself like a puzzle with a missing piece, rich white people vibes
the vibe: mysterious, suspenseful, and a perfect beach read
perfect for: readers who enjoy a one-sitting mystery, fans of YA thrillers, or anyone looking for a quick palate cleanser
my take
This is a shining representation of the state of YA mystery-thrillers of the modern era. With an added bonus of romance. It does not reinvent the wheel, but we don’t have to all the time. It was enjoyable and quick to get through, enjoyed it enough to watch the first episode of the Amazon series. Spoiler: it was cringe, and not in the good way, so bad. near unwatchable. But in some twisted way, made me appreciate the book more. It breathed a lightness and escapist vibe into my summer reading list that was a much needed palate cleanser after some of the heavier books on this list.
the big idea
This book taught me that sometimes, the most valuable part of a reading experience is not the complexity, but the ability to shower the reader in pure escapism.
persepolis by marjane satrapi
quick glance
synopsis: a powerful graphic novel-memoir that tells the story of the author’s childhood in Iran during and after the Islamic revolution
the vibe: engaging, surprisingly humorous, deep tragedy
perfect for: readers who want to learn more about modern Iranian history through a personal lens, or anyone who enjoys deeper graphic novels
my take
I’m a little embarrassed to admit how little I knew about this part of history, but reading this book truly enlightened me. Satrapi does a brilliant job of injecting humor and a child’s perspective into a deeply sad and heartbreaking situation in Iran. The graphic novel format makes complex political topics feel accessible. Her story particularly focuses on the cyclical nature of oppression, and it rang a little too true to the situation in the US right now…making this work of art even more achingly relevant.
the big idea
This book taught me that a personal story, when told with honesty and heart, can be a powerful mechanism for understanding history and current political turmoil.
days at the morisaki bookshop by satoshi yagisawa
quick glance
synopsis: cozy Japanese novella about a young woman who, reeling from heartbreak, finds herself and a new sense of purpose after moving in with her eccentric uncle who owns a bookshop
the vibe: gentle, tender, charming, profound
perfect for: readers looking for a gentle palate cleanser, fans of Japanese literature, or anyone who believes in the transformative power of books
my take
This was a light, cozy read that I picked up in between some thiccums. But it was far from shallow in content. It was so endearing and relatable to watch the main character, Takako, slowly finding her way back to herself through the simple, quiet life at a bookshop in combo with reading more and more and finding answers and perspective in books. This highlights just how amazing books are, and what it can feel like to be truly transformed by a story. As a big Japanese literature fan and big translated works guy, I loved the introspective tones of the novel. So relatable, I’ve been Hideaki, albeit never lived in a bookshop.
the big idea
This book taught me that in the midst of life’s chaos, the most profound transformations often happen in the pages of a book.
dungeon crawler carl by matt dinniman
quick glance
synopsis: a wildly creative and darkly hilarious dystopian novel where humanity is forced to participate in an RPG style dungeon crawl, on display for the entirety of the universe’s entertainment
the vibe: video game-y, hilarious, and chaotic
perfect for: readers who enjoy unique sci-fi like books with humor, and anyone who is invested in video game culture or looking for something original
my take
This was giving me Mad Max vibes in energy and intensity. I felt some pressure to read this one from the social media verse, but I am so glad I gave in to the hype. It’s such a bizarre mix of dystopian survival story and an RPG video game, and it’s cute. The relationship between the main characters, Carl and Princess Donut, brings a ton of heart and hilarity to the chaotic journey through the dungeons. As a writer, I found the book to be incredibly inspiring. This is a one of kind sheerly original work of art, that just goes for it, embraces wild ideas, and proved that the most compelling stories are often the most “out there”!
the big idea
This book taught me that true creativity isn’t about following the rules, but having the courage to forge your own way in life…even if the planet is in dire straits.
the big finish
Looking back on it all, my summer was a true testament to my mood reader nature and my ability to choose books that reflect where I am at internally. Each of them helped me navigate weird weather and emotional tsunamis with a surprising sense of enlightenment or with some nugget of wisdom. Not only were they varied sources of escapism; they were an eclectic and slightly chaotic reading list that helped me make sense of this tumultuous world that at times feels like its moving on fast forward.
As a result of reading these books, I feel like I now have a toolkit of sorts for my heart and a little nudge to give myself more credit. I have a stronger footing in reality amidst the emotional, self-induced somersaults. I now have the courage to choose joy and creativity even when things get uncertain or uncomfortable. This summer had it’s shining moments, but it also had its fair share of deep thinking and looking inward, and I am not sure I would have made it through without these reads + the unconditional love of my tribe. Feeling grateful for the books that helped me through.
Books are powerful y’all.
Light and love,
M
let’s connect
What was one book that met you where you were at this summer?
Did your reading list have a hidden theme, too?
What was one book that has helped you navigate the messy, chaotic moments of your life?
This reminds me of how I like to make a “useful” collection for my books. Meaning, if a book resonates with me and I apply the lessons and they help me, then I save it in a folder called “useful”. Having a reading list that resonates with an internal state seems like a similar idea. Great post 👍
I'm on the second book of the dungeon crawler Carl series now. Exactly like you said, it's the type of book that made me want to create. It's so unique and the world building is so incredibly impressive. I don't remember the last time I came across a book like that.