Lavendaire, Legebatiqué, and Zac Efron Singing
and thoughts on I Am: Celine Dion
“Life is an art. Make it your masterpiece.”-Lavendaire
The Impact of Lavendaire’s TBH Deck
Finally taking a crack at one of the 120 prompts for honest conversation and deeper connection from Lavendaire’s TBH Deck, which was gifted to me by my dearest friend Josephine…and wow! First question out the gate is “What are five things you’ve achieved in your life that you’re proud of?”
My brain went into some crazy spiral, combing through the files to find answers that were both coherent and authentic to me. Throughout the exercise I found a deep sense of gratitude for my life thus far and although it’s a small number, I tried to identify things that were more so moments or milestones in my life that have shaped me, rather than checkboxes. And in the spirit of being vulnerable and authentic, I wanted to share with my dearest gentle readers.
Increased self-confidence
There was a time in my life where I lacked all self-confidence and respect for myself. This era of between teenager and full-fledged adult really did a number on me, but my mid-late 20s were a time for self-discovery and self-love and now I am encroaching on 32 and am feeling more confident with each day. I’ve come a long way from the shy insecure, little boy who was afraid of being in front of a camera and live his most authentic life. While it’s an ongoing journey, embracing authenticity and sharing parts of myself with the world without fear of rejection and judgement, I am constantly trying to focus on being braver than I was yesterday. It takes a lot of effort to put in this “shadow work” but it’s been rewarding.
Building a solid “chosen” family
Not sure if this is an achievement, or rather something that I am extremely grateful to have in my life, but my friends and family who are firmly unconditional in their love and support for me, have made this life worth living. Growing up I relished in self-loathing and this mindset that I was unlovable, often feeling alone (even when surrounded by people). The friends and family I hold close, constantly provide support, inspiration, and several reasons to be grateful for this little life of mine each and every day. Over time, I have learned that relationships, aromantic or romantic, take time and genuine effort to grow, and I am so in awe of this garden of love, filled with gorgeous friends and family.
Living life “out and proud” as an openly gay man
This one I think is the “through line” for all the other four on the list. I am so happy to be at a place in my life where I can live freely and authentically. I spent so many years hiding behind a facade or in fear of persecution, to the point where I can finally breathe now after holding it in for so long. While I am fully aware that there is a certain level of privilege to live in this country and state and region that I live in, the world at large is still not as safe for a queer person as it should be. Even with such progress as marriage equality and progressive sentiment settling in even in some traditional pockets of the world, if you turn on the news you can see an insane amount of injustice being thrown at the queer community. I am proud of my journey and all the inner work it took to love myself and even be open and accepting of romantic love in my life to the point where I have a partner, but there is more work to be done, always. Proud to be Legebatiqué!
Financial Independence
I am grateful and proud of myself for making it to a place where I am no longer reliant on others to support me financially and pay my bills. I’ve worked very hard to get to this place where I can financially support myself and my lifestyle. In all honesty, it’s not an extravagant life, but it is a life that exceeds the wildest dreams of my younger self. I never thought that I would be at this place and each day that I wake up I am humbled by the simple fact that I can pay for things at a grocery store or buy a book from the bookstore (thrifted or new). Growing up with such a scarcity mindset, my life at times feels overly abundant and that just makes me grateful for the help and sacrifice that got me to where I am and the perseverance to make it here.
Graduating from university
While my college experience was filled with many great memories, wonderful lifelong friendships, and lessons learned, it was in no way, shape, or form an easy time for me. I was struggling with intense acne, challenging STEM courses, fear of academic probation, my sexuality, mounting debt from student loans, diminished self-confidence, and all the while coming to grips with a sick and dying parent and best friend from brain cancer…my life felt like this insane Jenga tower of problems that could crumble with a puff of wind. The sheer amount of internal and external obstacles at the time felt incredibly debilitating. Looking back, I am incredibly impressed I was able to finish my undergrad with a Bachelors in Chemistry, when I wanted to quit so many times. I felt like my mother’s spirit really helped me cross the finish line and her passing imparted onto me a new lease of life. This was the first major milestone in my life without her, and it truly forged me into someone who is less afraid of life and more so afraid of life NOT lived. While I’ve gone on to accomplish other milestones and a higher level degree, this part of my life was a true rollercoaster, one that has enabled me to strive for greater happiness in order to honor a mother who dedicated her life to her family and spreading love.
I Am: Celine Dion
I was really pushing off watching the “I Am: Celine Dion” documentary on Prime Video…and for good reason. Celine is one of my icons, as evidenced by my first post on Substack, and I have heard this doc is very heartbreaking…and spoiler…it was. I basically spent an hour and a half bawling my eyes out and wanting to hug her and care for my diva. I will forever knock myself for not going with two of my good friends to see her concert in Vegas, prior to her health decline…for now I have her music to comfort me and all I can do is hope for her to recover and improve. Only watch if you’re cool with being extremely heartbroken and/or sad.
Spoiler Alert: “A Family Affair”
If you have the pleasure of watching “A Family Affair” on Netflix, starring Zac Efron, Nicole Kidman, Joey King, and Kathy Bates, just know that *SPOILER ALERT…
Zac Efron sings “Believe” by Cher…and that was not on the bingo card for this year, and I certainly would not have bet on it.
My friend, Irene made a very poignant read/observation the other day, is it really Zac singing or is it Drew Seeley?
The main house in this film is majorly gorgeous & I am ready to move in
There is a severe amount of product placement in this film and I can’t have been the only person to notice this
Do I need a Toyota RAV4 and Siete chips?
If you enjoyed this post or liked it enough to share, please do. I love taking the time to write these weekly posts, and have been tossing the idea of increasing the frequency of them. Please let me know in the comments, or via message what you think of this week’s post. Thank you for supporting Your Friendly Obsession.